What Was My Line, Again?
by VanitasFajitas
Summary: In many of the Death Note FanFictions, the characters are dreadfully OUT-of-character! This is a silly and short story intended to make fun of when authors immensely fail to characterize the Death Note characters correctly to the point where it seems as if they did it on purpose. You would not believe how out of character they are written in some of the stories that are up! OneShot


Several members of the task force peered over their shoulders once they heard the door slam against the wall with a very loud _thud_. Someone, it seemed, had just burst inside.

Passing disapproving grunts between hardly patient breaths, they looked up only to see that the _someone_ who had just about broken the door was Matsuda. The door had hit the wall so quickly and with such impact that it swung shut, again. Matsuda smiled anxiously, waving at every single person who was present in the room.

"Hey, guys!" he exclaimed, and as he entered the room, he stumbled over his feet and painfully onto his stomach. Everyone began to laugh at Matsuda, causing him to blush so darkly that they were beginning to suspect that he was morphing into a tomato. Ryuk, who was, as usual, hovering behind Light, hoped that Matsuda was turning into an_ apple_.

Matsuda got himself up while humming tunes by none other than Hideki Ryuuga, the Japanese pop idol for whom everyone else on the task force found to be very obnoxious. Suddenly, he began to skip around the room, patting the heads of everyone and chanting, "I love you all! You're all my best friends!" Before anyone could respond, Matsuda sauntered out of the door, and into the unknown.

"Hey, Light, if he finds out that you're Kira, he'll never be your best friend." said Ryuk. Light sneered in the Shinigami's direction, seeming to forget that the others could hear him talking before he replied.

"Umm...Ryuk, I think you're forgetting something. I'm like _amazing_. I'm so amazing, in fact, that I _amaze_ myself!" he gloated. The members of the task force exchanged puzzled glances; to them, it seemed as though Light was talking to himself.

Light flinched back with surprise as L swung in front of him, appearing to be upside down. L was hanging from the ceiling, with the names of all of his successors written across his face and arms in a sticky chocolate sauce. He was wearing _Hello Kitty_ boxers outside of his pants.

"Yo-yo-yo, Light!"

"Ryuzaki? What are you doing here?" asked Light. L sucked on a pacifier for a moment before answering.

"Oh, me? I wanted to ask about your friend, Misa." he answered.

"What about her?" Light asked him.

"Well, say that there is this guy who really has a crush on Misa...I would be interested in investigating how he would tell her that he liked her. You should know. You two have been friends for quite awhile." L said. Light contorted his features, evidently appalled that L believed that he had even the slightest chance against his intelligence and good looks.

"Sorry, Ryuzaki, but...I don't think that Misa would go for you." Light told him.

"And why not?" L asked, recalling all of the girls who had never even looked his way.

"Well, it's obvious that Misa is all over me. You see, Ryuzaki, I can't stand Misa, but since she likes me so much, she's willing to have sex with me all the time. There's no way I'm giving _that_ up!" said Light.

"Yeah, very well. I always thought you were a pansy, anyway, Light Yagami." said L, and with that, he poofed out of sight, the echoes of his deep chuckles still lingering within the dimly lit room.

Behind those echoes, Light could also hear the sound of muffled sniffling. When he took a look behind him, Misa Amane was standing there, in her skull-patterned undergarments, her entire eye area covered in thick, black eyeshadow, and her skin smeared in wrestling oil.

"M...Misa?" Light stuttered, concerned that Misa had just heard everything. Her eyes that constantly changed color because her illustrators were too lazy to take the time fixing up such an immense and noticable appearance-conception mistake and simply covered it up by stating that it was a side-affect of Shinigami eyes were clouded with tears.

"Light-kun..." she murmured, collecting her pang of mixed feelings and determining how to express them.

"How long have you been standing there?" asked Light.

"E...eight...m...minutes..." Misa whispered, clenching her fists together tightly. Light began to back away, but within seconds...

"SUPER-SAIYAN, GO!" shouted Misa at the top of her lungs. To her dismay, she did not transform into a Super Saiyan. "Aww, how disappointing!" Misa said to herself. Light sighed with respite.

The door, once again, was carelessly opened. Everyone stared at two children who stood in the doorway, waiting to be invited inside. One of them was wearing a fez, and the other was dressed as a sheep!

"Hello...I mean, privet, I mean, kon'nichiwa!" exclaimed the one in the fez, saying "baka" repeatedly under his breath. The members of the task force (and Misa) were unsure as to whether they should respond to these bizarre natives.

"Watashi no namae wa Chikaku desu!" said the one dressed in a sheep costume.

"Does anyone know what this guy is saying?" Ukita whispered to Aizawa.

"NO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS SAYING! WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP?" shouted Aizawa, storming off with his hands on his forehead.

"You morons are all Japanese, to my understanding, so don't you _speak_ Japanese?" asked the blonde in the fez, provoking several "huh?" 's from the task force.

"What are you _talking_ about?" asked Light, texting on a brand new iPhone.

"Never mind that! I'm Near!" the boy dressed as a sheep said brightly, giggling between words.

"And I'm Mello..." grunted the fez-wearing other.

Misa licked her lips as she carefully examined the features of these two young men. While walking over to Light, she swayed her hips both intentionally and unevenly. Mello and Near looked at one another in perplexity, and shrugged their shoulders when they could not reach a conclusion for her behavior.

Unable to resist, Mello looked at Near, again.

Near looked at Mello.

Precious, childish smiles creeped across their faces. They began to stand on their tiptoes, grinning wider and wider, everyone else in the room watching and waiting to see what Near and Mello were planning to do. They both parted their lips, and in unison, they shouted,

"TICKLE FIGHT!"

Light, Misa, Ukita, Soichiro, Mogi, and Ide all observed with awe as Mello and Near tumbled onto the ground and over one another, laughing away and tickling each other's flat bellies with clumsy fingers. Mello's fez had fallen off.

"S...stop it...hahaha...Mello...I can't...haha...take it...hehehehehe...any..." Near's breath was caught far too short to finish his sentence. Mello flashed him a devilish grin and said,

"Not until you can get_ me_!"

Gasping for breath, and unable to break the involuntary laughter, Near tried to tickle Mello, back. Mello was protecting his stomach with one arm, but Near soon wriggled his hand past that arm and began to spider his stomach with vengeful tickles.

"Can Misa-Misa join the tickle fight?" she asked in a devious tone.

Mello and Near were laughing far too much to blurt out any kind of answer.

Not in much time, their stomachs were too sore for them to continue any further, so the two odd buddies simply lay their for that while, waiting for that lingering twinge in their abdomens to fade.

It was then when _another_ person entered the room, abusing the door all the while. When everyone looked, it was a shirtless, raven-haired man wearing a turban! Sadly for Misa, something seemed a bit _off_ about him. Nevertheless, she was drooling under observation of his ripped abdomen.

"I am an angel born on Earth, and I am here to deliver the message of..." his eyes trailed towards the three people standing by the main computer, and once he spotted Light Yagami, his eyes widened and watered. He got down on all fours and sprinted to Light's feet.

"Woof, woof!" the man exclaimed, licking Light's shoes.

"No, no, Mikami! Bad Mikami!" scolded Light. Mikami whimpered and pressed his head to the dirty ground. Light got on his knees and reached into his pocket.

"Hey, Mikami, can you come back, later?" he asked. Mikami continued to whimper. Rolling his eyes, Light pulled out the contents of his pocket.

"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?" Light asked Mikami. Mikami barked in response, panting and wildly wagging his bottom in the air. Light tossed the Scooby Snack out the door, and Mikami instantly chased after it.

Meanwhile, In Hollywood

Matt emerged from his fiery-red limousine and waved at his hundreds of adoring fans. Cameras were flashing, teenage girls were waving signs in the air that read "MARRY ME, MAIL JEEVAS!", and Matt, himself, clicked his pen and prepared to sign autographs until his hand went numb. He inhaled his cigarette, flashed one of his recurring fan-girls a cheeky grin, and to himself, he said,

"Well, I don't know how I got this, but it sure does beat being featured in one of the most internationally popular animes and only having two lines!"


End file.
